“Why Bribe?” Asks Confused Official After Streamlined 100-Page, Year-Long, Multi-Signature Approval Process

JAKARTA — In a stunning show of bureaucratic efficiency, a government official has expressed confusion over recent bribery allegations, insisting that the current permit approval process is “already fast, clear, and deeply user-friendly.” The official pointed out that applicants only need to submit a 100-page document, complete 27 supporting forms, and wait a mere 11 months for a response from the official's seven involved agencies. “With our three in-person interviews required and only four signatures from each of our agency's team, the process basically runs itself,” he said. “Why would anyone bribe?”

“With our three in-person interviews required and only four signatures from each of our agency's team, the process basically runs itself. Why would anyone bribe?"

The official concluded on an optimistic note, promising that next year, the document requirement will be reduced to 85 pages and the waiting time shortened to 10 months as part of the “Indonesia Fast Permit” initiative currently in development. “We’re constantly innovating. We've just launched an online portal that works 70% of the time." When asked specifically about sugar import permits, the official clarified: “Those actually move faster than the average Indonesian permit. That’s because sugar falls under two key national initiatives — the ‘Indonesia Fast Program’ and the ‘Remove Political Opponent Fast Program.’”

He went on to explain that while the sugar permit process still technically requires multiple steps and agency approvals, "if let's say, there's a random Indonesian official, like a trade minister that needs to be taken away publicly, then the process and system can move very quickly." At the time of this publication however, the online portal to the Indonesia Fast Program and Remove Political Opponent Fast Program remained inaccessible due to heavy rain.